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Self-Quarantine - Third Entry: Uncertainty

I feel a shift in the air. I think you feel it too. That feeling of impermanence is gone.

As with many things, when quarantine first began, we were gung ho. Inconvenienced, and a bit annoyed, sure, but still pretty optimistic. The memes were pouring out. People were sharing their new home/work schedules, enrolling in free online classes (myself included) and hunkering down for what we were told would be only a few weeks. Totally doable.

We're now finishing up Week 3 in lock down. And, let's be honest, shit's gotten a little too real.

Always the optimist, I still believe we'll get through this. In fact, I know we will. I still believe this time will eventually be a memory. I have to trust that by doing what I'm supposed to, I will be fine and so will those I love. But the truth of it is, by the time this is done, many won't be alright. There will be an aftermath. A new reality. I just don't know when and how that will happen. The not knowing is what's keeping me up at night.

My news feed is no longer full of schedules and plans. It's now filled with pictures of spontaneous activities and goofy, stir crazy kiddos, made-up games, random movies with the family and old pictures from a time when we had never hear the phrase "social distancing." So it's this I'd like to focus on.

The world is getting an ass kicking. Someone upstairs has hit the "return to factory settings" button whether we wanted it or not. Everything has slowed...stopped, even. Our worlds just got so much smaller. I believe there can be good in this.

I think social media has revealed it's true purpose. We are more connected than ever. I've spoken to/messaged friends from high school and college. (and in-between) I've had actual real-issue conversations with my daughter. (We've also had a slumber party!) I've seen my husband in full Papa Bear mode, stepping up, talking me off the ledge and keeping us sane. I've seen people in my community helping and comforting anyone who asks for help - reminding me again, that people are inherently good.

I am hopeful that there are lessons being learned during this crisis. I keep thinking of a scene from one of my favourite movies, "City Slickers" when Billy Crystal get swept away in rapid waters and almost drowns. Later he says, "I was only thinking about one thing." What are you thinking about right now? I guarantee it's not dinner reservations, petty people, shopping or a vacation you can't afford. It's the people sitting across from you at the dinner table. Or those who are a call away. And maybe this is just the slap in the face some of us needed.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am completely aware how lucky my family is. I know there are families suffering. I know there are essential workers everywhere that have to be on the front lines. I know that sadly, there are people that will not make it through.

I've been told to stay home. This is my contribution and yours. This is our responsibility. It doesn't feel like much now. It is. It is extraordinary. A true act of love. So, do it. For them. For all of us. And one day soon, I'm gonna be looking for you to cash in on all the hugs I'm missing.

Stay safe, my friends. Much love.

Vanessa Sully




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